The surprising blessing and curse of wanting it all (now!)
HEIDI’S JOURNAL ENTRY | 007
THE SURPRISING BLESSING and CURSE of WANTING it all (NOW!)
Enjoying the privilege of sharing a dinner table with talented, successful and beautiful women quickly helped me witness a fascinating desire many of us have: wanting it all… at the same time... and right here and now.
Some of us are lucky to have grown up within societies where we have the option to choose how we wish to live. We are faced with a range of opportunities that allow us not only to have our basic needs met, but to actually have our dreams come true.
All this is reason enough to be deeply grateful. However, without genuine self-reflection, conscious decision-making and clear intentions, the ocean of choices can simply be overwhelming. As a result, many people experience the tense duality between possessing a deep longing to live life at its fullest while also feeling stress or anxiety. How do we do all this in the “right” way? How can we ensure we don’t miss opportunities? How do we perform at our best to get the best in our life?
Having too many choices isn’t always a blessing. When we combine this with the expectations put upon us by society, family or peers about which choices we ought to pursue, we can come to a common dilemma:
Unable to decipher between what we really want in our heart and what we think we want or should achieve based on pressure from others.
For many of us,
these complex layers have gradually built up and influenced our judgement in various ways since early childhood. For the ambitious and highly achievement-based people amongst us, when vast opportunities meet internal confusion and external expectations, we can easily try to have, do and be it all for ourselves and others.
We are persuaded to be highly successful at work; have the perfect relationship; parent in a particular way; travel the world; frequent the gym to sculpt our bodies; nurture that happy family of ours; use the latest gadgets; or spend time at the spa and style ourselves into perfection.
This ‘you can have and be it all’ mantra is imprinted on us to such an extent that some feel like a failure if they don’t live like Superwoman. Striving to ‘do it all’ is not only encouraged, but expected, ironically from those who are far along in achieving all of the above and more. The pressure becomes unbearably strong. We feel like we have to maintain the bar we have set for ourselves while staying accountable to the expectations we have created in others about who we are.
Even if we were to confidently do it all, the inevitable question will surely arise… ‘What to do next?’ This is the catch. When we strive to be Superwoman, there will always be another goal to accomplish; another way in which we can put in a little more effort, a little more time, and a little more ‘oomph’ that will make us even better.
So how do we cleanse ourselves from the unrealistic notion that we can have and be it all?
HERE ARE 5 steps to start WITH:
1.
Decipher what is yours
This first step is about taking a close look at the beliefs you have. Try to understand which beliefs are truly yours and which you have been picked up from someone along the way. Once you cleanse your thoughts of pressures or expectations that aren’t even yours to begin with, you can start to fully embrace what you truly want and need for you and no one else.
Connecting with yourself is the key to finding the right answers from within. This may be through walks in nature, journaling, meditation, yoga or simply giving yourself some free time to stop, think and listen. In this place of calmness, you will come to better understand your deepest desires for your own life.
2.
Give yourself space
When we are in achievement mode, we often rush ahead without self-awareness. In Step 1, you gained clarity on what you want, need and believe in. Now you can begin to explore potential choices that support the kind of life you want to live.
Creating a life that is truly fulfilling for you won’t happen overnight, and pushing and controlling won’t help. In moments when you’re feeling frustrated or confused about the desires that begin to surface, come back to Step 1. Take a moment to sit with your values and understand that clarity will come when you are ready.
3.
Take aligned action
Once you are clear about what you really want and are at peace with yourself, action is everything. Just remember to always make decisions from this place of clarity and alignment. By doing so, you will stay grounded and have the confidence to quickly move past distractions, unwanted opinions, and external expectations - all the while creating the life you truly desire.
4.
Avoid familiar patterns
It’s likely that when you start to connect with your inner voice and feel more comfortable with taking heart-based action, lots of options will come up, especially if you’re multi-passionate and interested in many things.
It’s so important that you don’t go back to the old habit of reinstating the consuming need to do and be everything for everyone.
5.
Pace Yourself
There is a time for everything. Sometimes life is about advancing in your career. Sometimes it’s about nesting, loving, and enjoying. Sometimes it’s about learning the tough lessons in life and focusing on self-development.
The depth of an experience can be truly fulfilling, but it requires focus. And focus means you simply cannot do all at the same time. Trust your gut about what you most need in any given stage or moment in your life. This takes obsession away from checklists and linear ladders and brings you into an infinitely more joyful flow and dance with life as you grow, evolve and change.
Nurturing a deep trust that everything you need will come your way and developing the confidence and self-esteem that you are good the way you are, will make this step much easier.
What does the concept of time bring up for you? Do you lean towards feelings of joy connected to how you currently spend it, or feelings of anxiety regarding all the ways you believe you’re not using it ‘well’?